East Lyme a Satire for You

Dear Incoming Freshman,
It is my pleasure to introduce to you the wonders of East Lyme High School. It is a wonderful place; the benches outside of the school are beautifully decorated with assorted colors of gum. The commons and lunch area has plenty of space and broken chairs for students to sit in every student has a seat in the lunchroom “pick a leg” says one of my friends there’s plenty of room for all five of you. The clocks are all put on TV’s which makes it much easier to read. The clock is white with red dots placed for the numbers and a white hour, minute and second hand outlined in red that tends to fade away the second you look at the clock. The vending machines are great filled with an assorted array of delicious juices that come in miniature bottles they are always on sale costing the same amount as a box of 24 from the grocery store. A great new improvement was put in place at the begging of the school year all caffeinated beverages and beverages sweetened with sugar have been removed from the cafeteria. The teachers are also amazing they plan every day so that you have a test or quiz twice a day everyone is thankful to that it teaches responsibility and preparation for anything to come. The students are also appreciative to the teachers for the small amount of homework given each night that leaves the students up till 2 in the morning allowing a maximum of 3 hours of sleep each night. The School also has a large student body such that classes are filled to the brim breaking down the doors and flooding out into the halls. The bathrooms are amazingly clean they have paper towels covering every square inch of the floor so there is always plenty. The soap is almost always empty and it has a refreshing smell of fish that has been rotting for centuries. We hope with this small introduction to the school you look forward to joining us in the fall.
Sincerely,
Your Upperclassman